


Accept It

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-12
Updated: 2007-07-12
Packaged: 2018-09-06 07:45:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8740933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Accept it, Jensen. I love you." This isn't an actual line, but it might as well be...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Please don't kill me

  
Author's notes: Oh, I hope you like it!  


* * *

Jensen had already accepted it, or at least most of it. While they were together it was magic. They had a chemistry that was undeniable; this was probably the reason so many people liked their show. Let’s face it. Dean and Sam are hot. Dean’s the flirty, ‘fuck me, I’m adorable’ one who’ll leave you. Sam’s the ‘oh, look at me; love me because I’m a nice guy. It doesn’t hurt that I’m adorable to boot,’ one. Jensen didn’t fall for Jared’s Sam act; he was looped hook, line and sinker. The thing was Jared really didn’t have to act much to be Sam. He just had to affect a different accent, and say the lines. It really didn’t hurt that he really felt that way. Sam was Dean’s everything. Too bad that Jensen wasn’t Jared’s everything. He was just kind of there, on the radar of Jared’s life, blipping away, waiting for acknowledgement or to be ignored. Jared never ignored him. They were like brothers- joking around, ribbing one another, playing practical jokes- almost constantly play fighting. 

 

Except that Jensen never had to fight Jared. He was always fighting himself. It was what he did when he was alone that had him beating himself up inside. He’d wake up sweaty, blindingly hard, moaning Jared’s name. His dreams were all about Jared. His nights were filled with dream upon dream of Jared naked, lying under him, inside him, surrounding him. It didn’t matter who was doing the fucking. They both were. Or at least in Jensen’s dreams they were. In real life, they were best friends. Jared was Jensen’s world. Jensen was Jared’s closest thing to family outside Texas. That’s just how Jared felt too. Jared and Jensen were family. 

 

It was driving Jensen crazy. He was hot for his co-star. It had happened before. But before, they were girls, and he could fuck them and leave them. Get them out of his system and move on. Not that he did it. He was a relationship guy. He just wasn’t attracted to everything that moved. He was choosy. He could be, because- and Jensen would not admit this to anyone, he was pretty enough. It didn’t bother him. Jared would get a kick out of it. And then Jensen would get kicked out, because he didn’t think that he could stand to see Jared laugh- the man laughed with his entire body, which shouldn’t be hot; it wasn’t, normally but this was Jared fucking Padalecki we’re talking about, he’s always hot, without raping him right then and there. It was that bad.

 

Only it was worse, because he wouldn’t rape him. He didn’t think he could rape Jared. That was really the problem. It wasn’t that he wanted to fuck his closest friend. It was that he loved him. He loved him so much that he didn’t try to do anything for fear that Jared would push him away. That was his biggest fear- not that Jared would never love him back, but that he would not be allowed to be near him anymore. It kept him up at night.

 

Well, when he wasn’t dreaming about Jared naked and sucking his cock. And those dreams came back at the oddest of times too. They were doing a scene where Sam was chained to a wall, and Dean walks up after killing the bad guy, and says “Don’t ever do that to me again.” As he said this to Sam in front of the cameras, Jensen heard dream Jared breathing “Do that again-ohgodyes” the thing was Jared was just so talkative and loud that Jensen couldn’t see him being any other way in bed. 

 

It was not a good thing to think about when Jensen had Jared whispering strange things in his ear. It was dark, but movie theaters usually were, especially when there was a movie playing. Jensen didn’t know what was going on. There was some sort of love story going on, but he couldn’t follow it; he was too wrapped up in the lips that were dangerously close to his ear and the velvet tones that accompanied it. He was kind of glad it was dark, and he had a bucket of popcorn in his lap. It would be difficult to hide the tent in his pants otherwise.

 

Jared’s warm hand was on his shoulder, breath ghosting in his ear. Jared was watching the movie. He was pointing out flaws to Jensen as he saw them. Unfortunately for Jensen, the film was full of them- plot holes, anachronisms. The writers should be drawn and quartered, then hung, sent to the guillotine, and finally the electric chair and lethal injection. Or something as equally painful. It was entirely their fault that Jared was whispering in his ear and Jensen was recalling the dream in his mind’s eye.

 

Jared moaned beneath him. Jensen smiled, just as lost in the moment as Jared. Jared flipped them over, reversing their positions. He whispered in Jensen’s ear “I’m gonna fuck you so deep that you’ll never be able to wash me out. I want my memory imprinted upon your brain, the back of your eyelids, so that every time you go to sleep, the last thing you will see is me. I want to fuck you so hard that you won’t be able to walk tomorrow. I want to come deep inside you.”

 

Jensen’s passion befuddled brain could only come up with one response through Jared’s hips grinding into his own, rubbing their hard cocks in between them. “Good.” He breathed. 

 

Jensen didn’t know he’d spoken the last aloud until he heard Jared gasp. He hissed “What?” Jensen decided that he needs to go to the bathroom. It wasn’t running away. It was advancing in the opposite direction. He grabbed the popcorn in his lap, and said “Food.” He hopped out of his seat, and left the aisle before Jared could force a response out of him. He dumped the popcorn in the trash and headed to the bathroom. No one was in the lobby, thank God. He made it to the bathroom safely, to find it unoccupied. Just his luck. He went into a stall, locked the door, undid his pants, and braced one hand against the wall behind the toilet. The other hand was busy with his cock. He didn’t even have the decency to feel guilty that he was jerking off to thoughts of his best friend. In his mind, if he wanted relief- and oh, God he did, then he would do what he had to. He bit off a moan as the door to the bathroom opened. He pressed his fist into his mouth to stifle the sound of his heavy breathing. “Jensen?” he heard the whisper. “Jensen? Where are you? Why did you leave the movie? You said you were getting popcorn, and here you are in the bathroom. What are you doing?” he was standing just outside of Jensen’s stall now. He thought he heard it open behind him. He knew he locked it. “How,” he strangled out, “how did you open the locked stall?” 

 

Jared pressed up against Jensen. He whispered “Sam must be rubbing off on me. Although from the look of it, Dean is rubbing off on you too. Maybe I want to be rubbing off on you.” Jared ground his painfully hard erection into Jensen’s ass. Jared whispered in his ear “Do you want me to rub off on you?” it was a bad pun, but from Jared it just sounded sexy as hell. Jared’s left hand came around to rest at his right ribcage, effectively pinning Jensen. His other hand came down to Jensen’s. He stroked Jensen’s cock with Jensen’s hand. He jerked h is hips forward, pressing Jensen awkwardly against the wall through the toilet. He pushed Jensen’s pants down around his knees with his left hand, fishing into his pocket for something. He laughed his triumph as he found it. He unbuttoned his pants, wiggling his hips to get them off, effectively driving Jensen crazy. His right hand never stopped moving on Jensen’s cock. Jensen knew by the pressure at the base of his spine that he was about to come. He lost it when Jared’s left hand came to Jensen’s ass, parting the cheeks and rubbing lube into his hole. He lost it completely when Jared’s long finger dipped inside him. He shoved down with his hips, breath hissing out. Jared slowly added another, stretching Jen out so that when he did fuck him senseless in this bathroom stall, he wouldn’t hurt too badly. He removed his hand and Jensen’s from Jensen’s cock and turned around. “When I fuck you, I want to see your eyes, your face. I want to know it’s my face you see before your vision goes white. I want you to know that it’s me making you feel this way.”

He grabbed Jensen’s cock with his lubed hand and rubbed. He squirted some more lube into Jensen’s hand that was still in his own, and pressed it to his hard cock. He forced Jensen to lube him up. 

 

It was a fantasy, but it was working. He came, squirting hot semen all over the toilet seat, with a fist in his mouth to stifle the scream/moan that was building in his throat. He tried to separate fantasy from reality in his mind.

 

The door really had opened. Jared really had come in, but he had not come in the stall. Jensen cleaned up the seat, his hands, and the wall, flushed the toilet, and opened the door, ready to face Jared. What he did not expect was the confused look on Jared’s face. “What?” Jensen smirked.

 

“Di-did you just jerk off in a public restroom?” Jared spluttered. “That’s completely gross.” 

 

Jensen was broken by the comment, but hid it with a smart ass retort. “Oh, I cleaned up after myself.’ He smiled his “I’m-so-cute-and-beautiful-you’ll-give-me-whatever-I-want” smile. 

 

“No, I mean, do you even know who has been in there today? Who could have done that before you and and… not cleaned up?” Jensen looked dubiously at his friend. He cocked an eyebrow.

 

“Dude, I didn’t touch anything. Now move so I can wash my hands. Personal hygiene and all that shit.” Jensen shouldered past Jared, moving to the sink and turning the faucet. He pumped soap into his hand and scrubbed. He rinsed and reached for a towel. “Now, see; all clean and nice.” He wiggled his fingers at Jared and walked out of the bathroom. 

 

Jared followed him out the door of the theater. “Hey, the movie isn’t over yet!” Jared protested. 

 

“Well then, go back in and watch it. I’ll wait for you to come out. Or I’ll go home, and you’ll just have to find another ride.” Jensen smiled sarcastically. Jared’s face fell; Jensen felt like he’d kicked a puppy. “Okay, okay, I’ll go back in and watch the movie. Just don’t whisper continually in my ear. I don’t even know what the movie was about because you kept distracting me.” He tried to look stern, but the smile on Jared’s face made his heart melt. He looped his arm around Jared and steered him back in the theater. They were waylaid at the ticket counter. 

“Um, sir, you can’t reenter the theater without a ticket.” She looked at them like they were the biggest idiot in the world.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry. We’ll just leave then.” He steered Jared out of the theater again. Jared looked at him funny. “What? I didn’t want to buy tickets to a movie that I didn’t care about the first time around, plus you kept telling me it was full of plot holes and other stuff, so it really wasn’t’ worth seeing.” His explanation still didn’t wipe the odd look of Jared’s face. 

 

It was like, Hell he didn’t know it was like he was being groped by his best friend. Jensen winced. He took inventory. Shit he was groping him. The arm that he had looped around Jared had looped itself around Jared’s waist, his hand grabbing Jared’s hip. Jensen’s eyes widened. He dropped the arm, and stuffed his hand in his pocket, so he couldn’t lose control of it again. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize what I was doing.” He tried to smile it off. “I go on too many dates; it’s automatic.” Jensen knew that the line was complete bullshit. The thing was, he didn’t’ go on any dates anymore. He always felt dirty afterward, even if they didn’t kiss; it was as if he was betraying Jared, and Jensen hated that. 

 

Jared just kept up the odd look. Jensen gave up and walked to the Mustang he drove. “Get in, or you really will have to walk.” He opened the door, and Jared hopped in. There was an awkward silence for about five seconds, then Jared spoke; he just never could stay quiet. 

 

“Jen, why… why was your hand on my hip? I know you’ve never liked me that way. I know you never will. But if you’re just playing with me, if it’s just a cruel joke, I hope you know it’s killing me.” 

 

Jesus. He wanted to talk about his feelings. These talks always made Jensen’s chest ache. He didn’t think he could deal with this while driving. He would kill someone. Himself, probably. 

 

He pulled into the next coffee shop he saw, Starbucks, great. He stopped, not intending to get out and get coffee. If he drank any now, he’d just be up all night, and he’d think this to death.

 

He turned to Jared. “Talk. You wanted to talk about your feelings.” Now he was being an ass. “Get whatever it is off your chest. I can feel the weirdness coming off of you in waves, man. Out with it.” It softened the blow if he made it sound like he wanted to hear it for Jared’s own good.

 

Jared just sighed. “You know what? It’s nothing. Me reading into things, and shit like that. It’s no big deal, really, Jen. I’m sorry to weird you out about it.” He smiled sadly. Crap, he was being a martyr. Jensen glared. No one was allowed to be a Martyr but him. 

 

“Jay, it isn’t nothing. If it has you all tied up in knots, I really can’t do anything about it, but apologize. I didn’t even know where my hand was until I thought about it. It shocked me too.” Jensen was rubbing his forehead. He had a headache coming. “What can I do to make it better?”

 

Jared was instantly angry. “Damn it, Jensen. You could start by telling me how you really feel for once. You always hold something back with me, Jen. I’m tired of it. I want you to come clean. Why won’t you sleep at my place? Why did you ‘unintentionally’ grab my hip? Why were you jerking off in the bathroom? Jesus Jen, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were in love with me.” Jared laughed sarcastically.

 

Jensen was devastated. “Yeah, you know better.” He smiled to hold back the tears; those were for later, when Jared couldn’t see. 

 

“Do I, Jen? Do I really know what you feel? No wait, let me answer that. I don’t know how you feel, because you won’t fucking tell me. Sometimes I just want to beat it into your skull, Jensen. I just want to know how you feel about me. Am I your stupid co-star? The annoyingly large lug that follows you around? Your best friend? What? Tell me so I know how to act when I’m with you Jen. I’m tired of holding myself- my feelings back just because I don’t know how you feel. Or is feeling too hard for you?” Jensen knew he deserved the nastiness, but it still hurt. 

 

“No, feeling is not too hard for me. I feel a lot of things. Right now, I feel a headache coming. I feel like I’ve hurt you by doing nothing, and it kills me. I feel like if I tell you how I feel, I’ll not only lose a friend, but a co-star and a part of myself. But you know what? I feel like risking it. I love you Jared. I’ve loved you since you walked onto the set the first day, walked right up to me, and said, ‘Hi, I’m Jared. I’ll be playing Sam. I guess you’re Dean,’ then smiled that huge supernova smile.” Jensen laughed. It was finally coming out. “Ever since then, I felt like an ass every time I dated because I was in love with you, and I felt like I was betraying you, even though you weren’t mine and I had no claim on you. So I stopped dating altogether. Two years, and you’re the only one I’ve been out with. Feel special? You should.” Jensen went on. “Every time you get close to me, I’m instantly, blindingly hard. Now? Yes. In the theater I couldn’t take you whispering in my ear. I dreamed that you whispered in my ear the other night Jare. You whispered such naughty things and every time you breathed a comment in my ear, I remembered what I dreamed in too vivid detail. I dream of fucking you. I dream of you fucking me, sucking me off. Everywhere. In the shower. In bed. Christ, on my kitchen table.” Jensen peeked at Jared. He looked like he was in shock. Jensen knew that it wouldn’t end well. “Look, I’m gonna take you to your apartment. You need to process it all. Punch me later.” Jensen went to turn the car back on, and drive out of the parking lot, but Jared stopped him, covering Jensen’s hand on the ignition. 

 

“Jen, you really dream about me?” Jared had this goofy happy look on his face. 

 

“Yeah, I told you that you could punch me later. I just want to go home, so I can slit my wrists and get out of your hair.” He wasn’t completely joking either.

 

“But you never got properly into my hair.” Jared laughed.

Jensen just groaned. This was possibly the worst. Jared knew, but wasn’t leaving. Jensen didn’t dare hope. His inner cynic told him that Jared probably would get a good laugh out of this one for a while. Jensen was gay for his co-star- who played his brother. He would laugh for weeks, if not longer.

 

“So are these dreams any good? Or do they end annoyingly too soon?” Jared sounded like he knew from experience.

 

“They end before I want them too, but then again, I never really want them to end. And they’re not all bad. Some of them are really sweet. Just us, holding hands, walking in a park or some sappy shit like that. But then, some of them. Oh God, some of them- they’re so real that I think that they are until I wake up. And then I’m devastated. Now do you see why I won’t sleep at your place, no matter how tired I am, or how late it is? When I’m tired, it gets worse. I lose that part of me that holds all the lasciviousness in. I’m afraid I’d rape you. But I couldn’t. I just don’t want you walking in on me while I’m jacking off to the sound of your voice, your breathing, just you in general man.” he was genuinely apologetic. He shrugged. Jared was still too quiet. He was the one that wanted to talk. Why wasn’t he? 

 

Jared kissed him. Oh, that’s why. He was just waiting for Jensen to shut up. 

 

Jensen sighed into the kiss. It was awkward, because Jared was so tall, and the car was… well, the car was tiny. Jared kissed him anyway. It was kind of sloppy, but Jensen savored it anyway. This was Jared- Jared fucking Padalecki- kissing him. He didn’t know when he would get the next one. He knew he would dream of it for a while though. Jared’s hand came to cup the back of Jensen’s head, forcing the kiss deeper. Jared’s tongue licked its way into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen couldn’t even moan; he just made these whimpering noised in the back of his throat. He couldn’t breathe. He hated that he needed air, but he broke the kiss anyway, gasping like a fish out of water. “Godgodgodgod. That was fantastic.” Jared just shut him up.

 

“No. No talking. Just drive. Your place or mine which ever is closer. I want you to fuck me. I’ve wanted it for so long Jen.” All the blood that was previously still out of his cock, instantly rushed into it. He was so light headed; he didn’t think he could drive. 

 

“Where? Where are we?” Jensen panted. He couldn’t think where either apartment was. They were close together, but one had to be closer. 

 

“Mine.” Jensen drove the way automatically, driving recklessly. He wanted to get to one of their bedrooms. He didn’t care which. He pulled into the parking spot next to Jared’s little Toyota and shut off the engine. He tugged himself out of the car, and made for the door into the building. Jared was right behind him, tugging at his hand. They made it to the elevator before they kissed a second time. The doors clinked shut with a ding, and they were all over each other. Jensen had his hand in Jared’s back pocket, aligning their hips to grind their erections together. He doors dinged and opened again. The hallway was thankfully, blissfully empty. They ran to the door and unlocked it. Jensen had Jared pressed up against it before it was fully shut. He pulled Jared’s mouth down to his for a bruising kiss that ended too soon, and left neither satisfied.

 

They made their clumsy way to the bedroom, knocking over furniture and into walls. Finally Jensen had Jared pressed into the mattress. He whispered what came to him. “I want to imprint myself in you. I don’t want you to ever forget what it’s like for me to be inside you.” His hands worked to de-clothe Jared and himself, while his mouth whispered dirty things in Jared’s ears. He ground his hips into Jared’s, heard him moan as his head tipped back into the pillow, forcing his chest into Jensen’s. “I want to come so hard inside you that it never comes out. I want to embed myself so far in you that I never come completely out. I want to leave my mark on you that never goes away. I want to be the only one. I want for you to be my only one.” Jared interrupted.

 

“Lube. Bedside table, top drawer,” he gasped. Jensen just chuckled and shucked Jared of his pants, kissing his way down his body. He pressed a kiss to the inside of Jared’s thigh before he left to get the lube. Jared whimpered as if bereft, and Jensen smiled to have such an effect on the man he’d loved for so long. It was nice to know he wasn’t the only one that was lost, if only for the moment. He repositioned himself down on Jared’s body and squirted the cool liquid onto his fingers. 

 

He pressed those cool fingers up against Jared’s hot ass, letting the body warmth there heat up the lube. He pressed a finger into the tight heat and heard Jared hiss. Jensen couldn’t divine whether it was in pleasure or pain; most likely, it was a combination of both. His inner sadomasochist reared its head. He tamped it down. He forced his hand to be gentle, to stretch instead of rip. He was still a little rough, but it was a good rough. When he deemed Jared ready, he slicked up his cock, and pressed the head of it to Jared’s hole. He entered him slowly, barely repressing the urge to thrust into him completely, to take, to dominate. He wanted it to be gentle; unfortunately, Jared wouldn’t have any of it. He thrust his hips down, impaling himself on Jensen’s cock, just as Jensen pushed upward. He hit Jared’s prostate, and heard him whimper, saw the lust blow his pupils wider and glaze his eyes. He threw his head back, and Jensen attacked the exposed flesh ravenously. He bit and sucked and licked and nuzzled while he thrust harder and deeper. He braced an elbow beside Jared’s head, and reached the other one to stroke and tug on Jared’s dick between them. He kissed Jared’s slightly open mouth, and thrust his tongue in time with each thrust of his hips. He felt the pressure at his spine build; he held it off for as long as possible. He wanted Jared to come first. He stroked the cock in his hand harder and faster, rubbing the head, spreading pre-come over the head. He hit Jared’s prostate over and over again.

 

He was just about to lose it completely when he felt Jared’s hole spasm, and hot come shoot all over his hand and stomach. Jared came with a moan of “Jensen” His orgasm washed over him, pulsing his seed into Jared. 

 

He slipped out of Jared while he mumbled inarticulate things into Jared’s ear. Sweet things he forgot to say when he was forcing himself not to dominate. He pressed his lips to Jared’s forehead, and whispered “I love you.” He didn’t expect to hear it back. He never had.

 

“Jensen.” he looked into Jared’s eyes, saw the tears shining there.

 

“Oh, god. Did I hurt you?” Jensen was so afraid that he would, and he desperately didn’t want to.

 

“No, Jen.” Jared smiled. “I know you won’t believe me, because we just had sex and all, and I’m sure you’ll chock it up to the sex making our brains fuzzy, but I love you Jensen. I’ve loved you since the fist.” He looked away shyly. “All those times, I just wanted to be close to you. I never said anything because I was terrified of losing you, scared that you’d be disgusted with me and walk away. I couldn’t stand the thought of it, so I just kept… pulling you closer. I saw that it hurt you sometimes, but I thought that it was because you didn’t want to be near me. So I’d push you away, only to pull you back again. I just wanted you Jen. I wanted- still want to be in your life, forever. As long as you still want me. You said you loved me, but love is fleeting. I’ll be here for as long as you still want me. Accept it Jensen. I’m here to stay.”

 

Jensen was stunned. He grasped at something to say to the beautiful man he was still laying on. “Stay forever.” Jared laughed and kissed him on the mouth. 

 

“So, what about those dreams, eh? You said you had a dream where I fucked you. I say we try to reenact it.” Jared smirked- he must have learned the smirk from Dean; it was just too sexy.

 

“Sure, why not?” Jensen gave in.

 

Three years later:

 

“Accept it, Jared. I don’t love you anymore. I want you to leave.” Of course Jensen was lying. He would always love Jared, but Jared seemed to stop loving him. He just wanted to give Jared an out. He needed an out. Jensen could see he wanted to leave. He looked at apartments when Jensen wasn’t looking. He wanted to leave. Jensen was making him. It was killing him, but Jared would get what he wanted.

 

Jared looked sincerely hurt, but he hid it quickly. Jensen was proud of the way he was holding up. He wasn’t crying or shaking or making a fool of himself yet. He would, though as soon as Jared left. He wouldn’t move out of bed for a week. He’d taken the week off work to grieve, to mourn the loss of the love, the light of his life. It would be worse, because he knew it would be partly his own doing. It would take longer, but Jensen figured that he could get the worst of it over with in a week. Probably not, but he would at least be presentable.

 

“Oh, you don’t do you?” Jared sounded nasty. “Well then explain this.” Jared kissed him, and Jensen’s whole body responded. Still, after three years, all it took was a kiss, a look, a memory to arouse Jensen. It was proof, but Jared couldn’t prove that. Jared’s lips left his, and Jensen opened his eyes, quelling the happiness with pain and anger. Those he had in abundance since he found out that Jared wanted to leave. 

 

Jared’s eyes widened. “So, you really don’t want me anymore?” Jensen felt like he’d kicked a puppy, but he hardened his heart to it. 

 

“No.” Jensen wasn’t lying; he just wasn’t specifying what he was disagreeing with. Jared’s eyes filled with tears and he turned away and walked out the door. Jensen didn’t break down until he heard him drive away.

 

@.@

 

Jared walked into the new apartment. Jensen would have loved it. It was only fair that since he already paid the down payment on the bigger apartment, he move in. He’d been looking for the perfect one for months. And he’d finally found it, too bad that Jensen didn’t want to share it with him. 

 

Their old apartment was great. It was small, but it was comfortable. Jared felt trapped in it. Jensen felt it too. He’d needed a new place, someplace bigger, roomier. But Jensen had misunderstood. He’d mistakenly thought that Jared wanted to leave. He didn’t. Jensen still loved him, Jared knew. If he didn’t love Jared anymore, why would he not bother to change the dopey sweet answering machine message that said that they weren’t home? Sometimes, Jared called it just to hear Jensen’s voice. It was only three days since he left. He was acting like he’d left three months ago, but those three days felt like three years with out Jen. Jared was slowly dying inside.

 

He was sitting at the kitchen table when he came to a decision. He would go to Jensen, and beat the truth into his skull or die trying. It would only not work if Jensen really did not love him anymore. If he didn’t, he would walk in front of the next bus he saw, and hope the driver didn’t see him until it was too late. 

 

He arrived at their- Jen’s- apartment at three in the morning. He still had his key. He sneaked inside, knowing Jen would be in bed by now, and went to the bedroom. He didn’t need light. He opened the door to their- Jen’s- bedroom, and looked around. It looked exactly the same. Not even the clothes on the floor had changed. Jen was lying on the bed with his eyes closed. He was in the same clothes, and he wasn’t under the blankets. He gently sat on the edge of the bed, and kissed Jen’s temple. He moaned in his sleep, and opened his eyes. “Jare? Is that really you? It can’t be. You left. You’re a dream. Oh, Jared, I still love you. I didn’t want you to leave. Why did you leave?” 

 

“You asked me to leave, Jensen. Why did you do it?” Jared was shocked. He didn’t think he could play along much longer, even if Jen still though he was a figment of his imagination.

 

“I saw you looking at apartments, Jay. You wanted to leave. I could see it in your eyes. You wanted to leave me. I only asked you to leave so you could have an out if you wanted one. So you could do whatever made you happy. I only want you to be happy, Jare. I guess it’s too much to ask for you to be happy with me.” Jen started to cry. It was obvious he’d been crying a lot lately. 

 

“But Jen, I was happy with you.” Jared was crying now too.

 

“Then why were you looking at apartments?” Jared started. Jen wasn’t supposed to know that. It was supposed to be a surprise. He wanted to rent a new apartment and then move them in because the apartment they were in was too small. Jared was a bit claustrophobic; he needed some space. 

 

“I wanted to surprise you. I was getting antsy in this small place. I wanted to rent a bigger one.” Jared looked at the ground. “But I guess it was a bad idea. You apparently don’t want to move, and I have a home to go back to. Good night Jen. I love you.” He kissed Jen’s temple again and got up to go. Jensen grabbed his arm to stop him. 

 

“Wait. You’re real?” Jen looked suspiciously at Jared. He sniffed. “So you just wanted us both to move?”

 

“Yeah, I waited until the lease on this apartment was about to expire, and got another place.”

 

“That was creepily timed, man. I was just thinking about moving, because everything in this damn place reminds me of you.” Jensen looked at him hopefully. 

 

Jared sighed. “Come on, if you want to. I may never let you leave.”

 

Jensen smirked. “As long as you feed me regularly and fuck me, I’ll stay forever. Jared, you’re all I’ll ever need. I’ll never not want you. I’ll always want you by my side. The only question is if that is where you want to be. Will you stay with me, Jare?” 

 

“Of course, Jen. Accept it. You’ve got a partner for life.” Jared winced. “Oh, god that sounds gay.”

 

Jensen chuckled. “Jay, look at us. We like sweaty gay man-sex. How can you possibly get more gay than that?”

 

“We could act like ‘Oh my gosh, that shirt is just atrocious with those pants!’” Turns out, Jared made a pretty good gay man impression; Jensen couldn’t stop laughing.


End file.
